12 Step Planet - Veronica S.
 - Helping Families with Addictions

Stories about addiction and recovery, Clean and Sober life stylesRelapse is something that does not have to be, but often is a part of recovery. It can be a very hard thing to deal with because it takes a lot of work and dedication to stay sober, and when you have that slip it can be devastating to your ego and the way that you feel about yourself as well as what you feel in regards to your road to recovery. I look at recovery as a learning process...it doesn't have to get you down or make you give up, you can use it to your advantage. What I mean by THAT is, you can determine what caused you to slip so that you can have a game plan to fight back when you're feeling the urge to use the next time. As addicts or alcoholics, we are all unique, but we have a common bond...our desire to self medicate or escape whatever it is that we felt that we just couldn't deal with at the moment. Sometimes being in a certain area, doing certain things, or hanging around certain people will initiate triggers for us. It is our duty to find out what causes our triggers and also our duty to stay away from those things as they can cause us problems on our road to recovery. THAT is how you make your game plan. Don't use relapse as a reason to give up on the program or yourself. Think about all the reasons what you don't want to drink or use...then think about the reasons that made you want to drink or use. I'm sure the reasons NOT to slip are far more plentiful than the reasons to slip. Remember, we are ALL just one drink or use away from relapse. I have felt the sting on relapse because I was insistent on trying to work it my way. You HAVE to change the people, places and things that caused you to take that drink or made you use because if not, you will forever be moving backwards instead of moving forward. You can't move forward if you keep looking back. Work the steps and the program....IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!

                                                                        My Relapse

My heart is pounding, my body's aching,
Why do I keep making the decisions that I'm making?
It's like one minute I'm straight, the next minute I'm not,
I would give anything to make this pain come to a stop
I feel like no matter where I go, I end up at a dead end...
So tired of fighting this demon, I feel like I'm in a situation that I can't win
I've heard people say that it works if you work it,
But I've also heard others that say that it just isn't worth it
I wanna be clean so badly, but it's so hard to be sober
Just yesterday I was happy with my sobriety, then I ended up getting loaded
I feel so ashamed and filled with guilt because of this desire...
I didn't mean to mess up but I did, now I'm sleep deprived and tired
My pulse is racing, my body's dragging...
I guess this is why they compare relapse to falling off the wagon
Help me, don't judge me, try not to push me away, just love me...
Pray for me and have faith in God that I'll get it right one day
Ask God to give me the strength to dust myself off and get back on the saddle...and get to a meeting today

Veronica S.