is something that does not have to be, but often is a part of recovery.
It can be a very hard thing to deal with because it takes a lot of work
and dedication to stay sober, and when you have that slip it can be
devastating to your ego and the way that you feel about yourself as well
as what you feel in regards to your road to recovery. I look at
recovery as a learning process...it doesn't have to get you down or make
you give up, you can use it to your advantage. What I mean by THAT is,
you can determine what caused you to slip so that you can have a game
plan to fight back when you're feeling the urge to use the next time. As
addicts or alcoholics, we are all unique, but we have a common
bond...our desire to self medicate or escape whatever it is that we felt
that we just couldn't deal with at the moment. Sometimes
being in a certain area, doing certain things, or hanging around
certain people will initiate triggers for us. It is our duty to find out
what causes our triggers and also our duty to stay away from those
things as they can cause us problems on our road to recovery. THAT is
how you make your game plan. Don't use relapse as a reason to give up on
the program or yourself. Think about all the reasons what you don't
want to drink or use...then think about the reasons that made you want
to drink or use. I'm sure the reasons NOT to slip are far more plentiful
than the reasons to slip. Remember, we are ALL just one drink or use
away from relapse. I have felt the sting on relapse because I was
insistent on trying to work it my way. You HAVE to change the people,
places and things that caused you to take that drink or made you use
because if not, you will forever be moving backwards instead of moving
forward. You can't move forward if you keep looking back. Work
the steps and the program....IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!
My heart is pounding, my body's aching,
Why do I keep making the decisions that I'm making?
It's like one minute I'm straight, the next minute I'm not,
I would give anything to make this pain come to a stop
I feel like no matter
where I go, I end up at a dead end...
So tired of fighting this demon, I feel like I'm in a situation that I can't win
I've heard people say that it works if you work it,
But I've also heard others that say that it just isn't worth it
I wanna be clean so badly, but it's so hard to be sober
Just yesterday I was happy with my sobriety, then I ended up getting loaded
I feel so ashamed and filled with guilt because of this desire...
I didn't mean to mess up but I did, now I'm sleep deprived and tired
My pulse is racing, my body's dragging...
I guess this is why they compare relapse to falling off the wagon
Help me, don't judge me, try not to push me away, just love me...
Pray for me and have faith in God that I'll get it right one day
Ask God to give me the strength to dust myself off and get back on the saddle...and get to a meeting today