When I was growing up, I had experienced abandonment. When I was growing up my abandonment issues
were caused by my mother’s nervous breakdowns, my mother’s extreme codependency
of my dad and my lack of understanding my life in the midst of all of it. When I was a child, I felt lost!
When I was a teenager my mom’s focus and obsession was on my
older sister and her boyfriend…I, on the other hand, was the problem child, the
angry child and the bothered child. When
I was a teenager, my life was abandoned by me.
When I was a teenager, I chose to drink, cause trouble in the family and
engage in some drugs. When I was a
teenager, I did not understand the word abandonment, but knew of the word and
had heard of the word on occasion. When
I was a teenager I chose to abandon my family by engaging in other activities
that caused me to loose myself, hurt my soul and took me away from any type of
spiritual, mental or physical well being.
When I was a teenager, I felt lost!
I never understood the affects of abandonment had on
me. I just knew that when ever someone
would say they were going to do something or meet me somewhere and it never
happened my reaction to it was overboard with anger, fear and much
resentment. Does any of this sound
familiar? I would drink it away! I experienced abandonment just by trying to
talk about something and someone would interrupt or talk over me. I never knew
that would had affected me later as a abandonment issue but it did. It caused me to stuff my feelings and feel as
though what I had to say is not that important,…when actually it was. I just drank it away! I also knew that with abandonment came the
lack of trust with anyone in my life.
For example, I always had a negative attitude when things would be
planned or said to me. I would drink it
away! When my grandfather suddenly died,
I felt abandonment but acted out with anger, stuffed my hurt feelings and would
question God as to why? I drank it
away! Abandonment related to so many
ways in my life that I can say caused me to drink more, feel more lack of
trust, have more anger and resent more.
I did not realize it at the time how much abandonment affected my life
and continued to affect my life until I dealt with it! Abandonment issues of mine caused me to loose
friends, boyfriends, relationships with my parents, my sisters and mostly with
God and me! I abandoned God! I abandoned me!
I became sober on April 3, 1993. I was willing to do anything in order for me
to feel free and at peace, but…I was unaware of my abandonment issues! Why did I still feel anxiety, stress and
unsure of myself? I did not deal with
abandonment! I was ready to peal the
layers off my life that I worked so hard to protect, lie about and cover up,
but…I was unaware of my abandonment issues!
Why did I still feel angry, shameful and lacked self-esteem? I did not deal with abandonment! I did many things in order to feel recovered
from the obsession of the drink, but…I was unaware of my abandonment
issues! Why did I still occasionally
feel threaten by alcohol or scared to be around it at times? I did not deal with the abandonment! I worked the steps, I sponsored, I led, I
shared, I helped out, I found God of my understanding, and yet I denied my
abandonment issues! Why did I still
feel, crabby, short with others and bothered at times when I would go to meetings
or outside of meetings? It was because I
never dealt with any of my abandonment issues until later, while listening to a
lead when I five years sober. God’s
message talked through this person and touched my soul on abandonment. It was a light bulb moment! I needed to recover from abandonment in order
to move forward, live in peace and accept God in my life to the fullest. I wanted to recover from abandonment! I did just that, I chose to deal with it, saw
a recovering therapist that understood the program and knew what I needed to do
in order to recover in a way I truly felt recovered. My obsession or threat of alcohol left
me. I recovered! My lack of trust, anger, fear and resentment
left me. I was recovering! I turned to myself and dealt with me,…I no
longer abandoned my needs, my wants and my recovery. I turned to God and allowed him to do his
will for me regardless of how hard it is for me to let go! I was recovering! Dealing with my abandonment issues helped me
to see, accept, forgive and mostly love myself.
I was recovering! I no longer
deny, ignore or have abandonment issues today!
On the other hand, the gifts of abandonment helped me to forgive others,
myself and live a happy, sober and free life today. I have recovered from my abandonment
issues! I will always be recovering!
Do you struggle with abandonment issues? For example, divorce, unfaithful
relationships, adopted, and moved a lot when you were a child, mental or
physical abuse and so on? Did you ever
realize you had them? I know that my
abandonment issues could have been worse but they still affected me and I
needed to deal with them regardless in order to have a fulfilling recovery,
life and family today! I hope that today
you will be able to allow yourself to deal with them in order for you to feel
at peace in your recovery. Today, I will
run with peace in my heart and know I had the courage to deal with my
To read more about me and my recovery from alcoholism visit
my site at http://www.sobrietyfitness.com
I am glad I was able to share my experience, strength and hope with all