12 Step Planet - Scott R.
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Disease of Perception
 
 
When I was starting to get old enough to know better, I then recognized I didn't believe any of the truth I was espousing any more than I believed the lies I was telling my family. Before I turned completely against the family, drugs found me (and not vice versa) Since I responded by getting hooked immediately, my family supported my habits without their knowledge for as long I could make that happen, which was never long, then I'd leave, once by force, during which time recovery found me. The fellowship and comradery were attractive enough to make up for the facts that the program wasn't and I wasn't honest enough to admit that. I slipped and slid for years afterwards, as resulting from that dishonesty, sometimes literally during the meeting. I wasn't honest enough to admit that either. Consequently, the only relationships I could hold onto the longest were the ones during which I used with folk that would have me around, including jobs. They all would unanimously say the same thing,"You're a nice guy, but you have to go now..." because using drugs always became more important than using people, which was all I was then capable of. In the end, happy hour would start at Sunday brunch and end at Friday night at happy hour. I couldn't do much else... so I had one friend left and I didn't like him...stringing out and blacking out were either going to kill me or get me locked up...I was too sloppy to hold my own on the street anyway so in a moment of desperation while I got far enough away from the scene I was in, I said the one thing I didn't want to believe in, "God help me"...That's all I asked for. That's all I got. That was all I needed. Included in the package deal I got from Him was "marching orders" to track down "people who were actually recovering  from their addictions" and engage in the actual "program of recovery" that opened them up to those possibilities. My pride and shame fought it, but I was too desperate to turn back this last time. It wasn't until I started paying restitution off my amends list that I started noticing that I'd started changing I was offering God and man service, not just lip service. The trails I left behind me were starting to change. I became more interested in being somebody than having somebody.....and oddly enough I began to understand my life, what motivated me, what didn't, what I cared about, what I disregarded, what I was capable of, where I'd been and where I'm going...it was when I rightly placed myself in that position of humbling myself before my debtors that God seemed to gift me with a valid perspective and the life I now have...well, some people among us would refer to present circumstances as a "second chance"...I suspect I'm not the only one that recognizes that this's the only chance I've ever had..."seize the day" only applies to people with some degree of real ambition, I wasn't one of those people until God moved me around people who had what He was determined to give me...that's one real point in this testimony...somehow "spiritual things" always seemed to seek me out first...including addiction...I'm glad the battle's over and won...now life's about reaching out and standing in... Enjoy!.....

Scott R.




Lessons Learned in Life  








* Addiction Stories, Stories about Addiction, Drug Treatment, Addiction Treatment, Drug Rehabs, 12Stepplanet.com, Stories, Yourtreatmentsolutions.com, Addictstoday.com,