My sobriety birthday is June 20, 2013 by the grace of god. I've been battling addiction for 10 years. My drug of choice was crystal methamphetamine and synthetic "legal, k2, mojo, incense" potpourri. As a child growing up I was bullied for being toothless and didn't have any friends. At age ten, after I had oral surgery and moved different states, I first got involved with alcohol. Than later to marijuana. At age twelve, I was raped brutally by two men I didn't even no when I was staying at a friends house. That's when I started cutting myself and became suicidal. When I realized I didn't want to kill myself, I felt comfort in drugs. It lead to air duster, cocaine, crack, ecstasy, anything I could get my hands on. Than at age 14 my first high school love, was killed by drunk driver ten days before his sweet 16 birthday. We celebrated his funeral on his birthday. 11/13/1991 - 11/03/2007. I literally got out of control after his death. I ended up getting pregnant at the age of 15, by a 27 year old man. I stayed sober during my pregnancy. My daughter was born with sleep apnea due to me smoking cigarettes. A week after my daughter was born, I walked in the house and caught the father of my child having sex with the next door neighbor while my child was in her bassinet. I lost my temper. I caught 2 simple battery charges, resisting arrest, dtp, assault and battery to police officer. I ended up forgiving the father of my child, than three weeks later, he beat me outside in the front of the house. Police were called and he was arrested for domestic violence. Police department also contacted child protective services and my daughter was taken away from me. Now I was in 11th grade in highschool working on a case plan that consisted AA, substance abuse, family counseling, one on one counseling, parenting, got a part time job, and etc. I maintained 6months of sobriety. I was supposed to get my daughter back in 6months, but due to missing 4 appointments, she didn't come home. I was full of resentments and negativity. I was introduced to potpourri. Which was a drug that I was able to have a clean urine test at that time. I ended up winning full custody of my daughter 6months later. During that 1 year without my daughter, my whole family had turned there backs on me and was trying to find every way possible for my daughter not to come home with me. After the custody case, I was hooked to synthetic. I was arrested for several things numerous times on different occasions. Such as DWI, possession of synthetic caniboid, obscenity, unauthorized use of motor vehicle, criminal damage to property up to $50,000, disturbing the peace by fighting, obscenity, expired drivers license, no tags, theft, dtp 3rd offense, no insurance, and 3 counts of cyberbullying which is pending and absolutely not true. I managed to graduate high school in 2011. I enrolled in college to study psychology and dropped out the first semester due to the fact I would rather ditch class and get high. A few months after that I enrolled in a 2year technical college studying criminal justice. I never was sober. I finished one year of college until I failed a drug test for my probation, since my so called best friend snitched on me. I was forced to go to rehab for my 2nd time. I wasn't ready for help. I was in full stage denial. I did realize alcohol wasnt good for me and synthetic would end up killing me. So when I got out of treatment I turned to meth and didn't enroll back to school. I would shoot it. I was a wreck. I'm the type of person who loves to be paranoid to a certain extent. On june 19, 2013, I died. I was never a religious person or didn't believe in a higher power. I shot up, my usual, but that shot I experienced the breath of death. I went to multiple convulsions, my eyes were stuck cock eyed for two days, fever 105. I had a slight stroke on the left side of my body. I remember saying my daughter's name until I couldn't talk anymore. I had an outer body experience. I prayed to god for the first time with pure honesty, god I won't live the life I have been, I will turn my life over and change I will need ur help, let me have this last chance please. Within moments I felt his arms wrap over me, and convulsions stopped. I tried coming off of drugs on my own for 11days. The most painful withdrawal I ever experienced. I stayed in bed those 11days, only time I got up was to go to a meeting around the corner of my house. On that 11th day I volunteered my self into a detox/withdrawal/rehab center and got the proper treatment. By the grace of god I have found new hobbies that still give me that sense of paranoia without using such as night hunting. I've got a relationship now with a god of my understanding, closer with my family, I've been actually getting involved in meetings and celebrate recovery. I have a sponsor and sober friends I can talk to without judging me and who like me for me. I'm able to look in the mirror now and not have to be ashamed.