I come from an orthodox Anglo-Indian family where my father was the eldest in his family and also had a problem with alcohol. As a young boy I have experienced pot parties with guitar sessions in my house where my dad and his friends used to come and freak out. It was also the dawn of the hippie age when Bombay was invaded by the hippie cult. I was an introvert and was a loner and at the age of 14, when I had my first smoke of hashish it was love at frist site and I was hooked from day-1.
I started playing music in a band and the drug use increased. From the time I opened my eyes to the time I crashed out, it was just drugs and more drugs. Pot and weed along with tabs and alcohol. I could not carry on with the band job as I would be so blown, that I could not even stand and get up on stage. Thereafter, I peddled drugs to support myself and my habit, selling hashish to the foreigners and making a good profit. However, that was before I got onto smack. Then all hell broke loose.
I would not be able to narrate all the incidents in this little story but to put it in a nutshell; it was bloody hell. What once was the answer to my problems now became the problem. I was thrown out of my house and lived on the streets for 4 and a half year.....long years, where I reached a point that I prayed for death. I had lost. Drugs had won. It was a very belittling thought, that I who once was the master of my world had lost.
There were many skimishes with the law and I spent 8 months in jail. During the 32 years of my active addiction I tried to quit on many occasions, but always went back to drugs. I would cold-turkey for 4 to 5 days and then after all the pain of withdrawals were over, I would limp back to the den and score once again. It was maddening and at times I thought that I had gone cuckoo.
I have been to many treatment centres, and have had considerable clean time in the last 15 years of my addiction. But I always went back. Then the turning point came when I had to pawn one of my guitars on a Sunday to get my drugs. I had money in the bank but being a Sunday all banks were closed. I cried that evening and decided that I had to do something about my addiction. I got myself admitted in a treatment centre and underwent a 90 day treatment program. Thereafter I worked in the centre for 7 years before I felt strong enough to leave and take up employment elsewhere.
I has been 3 years now since I left the treatment centre and I am living life on life's terms. I conduct voice training and guitar classes and am doing fairly well for myself. Considering from where I have come I can truly say that I am a miracle of God. On my own I would never have been able to kick the habit. God has just lifted the desire to use and inspite of all the problem situations that I am confronted with, using is no more an options.
Thank you God for giving us the NA program,
and thank you my brothers and sisters for allowing me to share my story.