I am here as a direct result of prayers, from the people who love me unconditionally, the very same people I lied, cheated and stole from. 1825 days ago the man I knew for 45 years died a well overdue death All my life I tried to consume as much meth as I could to numb the screaming child in me. To hide the fears of all I witnessed and the things I did to others for deep inside I knew I should not do these things but I was scared of letting down the mask. Thirty years I lived the lie and the only information I had was that of a street survivor and a prison mentality. No respect for myself and such low self esteem, I was willing to do whatever it took to fit in. In my addiction I had no hope and nothing to look forward to. I did not care who got in front of me and my next fix, it was fuck you, fuck life, fuck GOD!!! But GOD had other plans for me. GOD had a purpose for me...GOD disguised himself as a cop, as a judge, as a lawyer....me why me? I am a fucking junkie, a low life. HE said you are going to an N.A. 12 step program, boy even if you don't want to. GOD has put people in front of me to help me get through all that I was trying to hold on to. One foot in front of the other, baby stepping and above all surrendering. GOD has granted me a LIFE today. Today I have a family who do not judge me, I am a student working towards a masters degree, I am a man, I dream, I hope, I have a purpose. My job is to let the addict who still suffers know that you don't have to DIE like that.....To pass on a message of hope.
My clean date by the grace of GOD,,,,7/01/07 5 years today drug and crime free.
Thank all of you in my family here in NA for being a part in this addicts recovery.