good evening friends. there are some things that you just
feel, deep down within yourself, that you know will happen. somethings, experience-
trial and error- will show you along the way. I have waited for answers on a
few things, in certain areas of my life, and have gotten some of the answers.
at a meeting tonight, I disclosed that from the age of 13 to age 30, I used
forward to a drink on a daily basis. blindly covering up feelings and
overlooking life on its own terms. it wasn't until I made the decision, that
the life i was living, was not in fact a life at all. once sobered up, I got
the real glimpse of how my actions, choices, decisions had really played role.
I work hard in the last year and a half to turn my life around and get to where
I'm at today. my life today is better than I ever expected. Better than I
deserve. better than I could have imagined. people come, and people go. I'm
especially grateful for the people that have come into, and gone out of my life
recently. as things seem to be falling apart, I've realized how they were all
actually falling together. I suffer from a disease of perception. I'm fully
aware of the physical allergy, and the mental obsession of alcohol/drugs. my
experience however, has simply shown me that that is just a mere symptom. the
true and real problem has always been me. I've always been off, perceived
things wrong, and fortunate enough to become aware of this, and gifted with
choice. I've choose to accept, look at, and work on myself, and been given
willingness and grace to do so. so if you're stuck in a rut, wondering if
sobriety is the life you truly want to live, keep trudging. you'll get there.
and when you do get there, if ur
like me, you'll realize a few things. first, the wreckage will never escape
you. you must deal with it. you must remember that you can't fix a lifetime of
damage overnight. next, you will find that humility is a strength not a
weakness. pain is necessary, suffering is optional. remain teachable, you'll
never have all the answers. always darkest before the dawn, don't quit before
the miracles happen. the first miracle will be being sober. the rest will
follow if you're willing to take a long hard look at yourself, and then work on
those things. it ain't easy, but I promise you, for me, it's been worth it.
"it's your life" I most certainly wouldn't tell you what to do. have
a good week folks -I'm out Matt G.