My name is Dawn, and I am a grateful believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, and a recovering alcoholic. (Here is the first part of my story as told in my personal blog)
I hit my “bottom” on June 14, 2010. On that day, the Lord provided me with the most amazing moment of clarity! Over the previous year, my life had become a slippery slope of chaotic living. I was paralyzed by the extreme loss of self that I was experiencing. My life seemed to be characterized by one crisis after another! My marriage was falling apart. My demeanor was changing so dramatically, I hardly recognized myself in my choices! My personality had become that of a bitter, ugly, angry woman.
I was drinking to numb pain that had been self-induced.
I was so blind, I couldn’t even see my own part in my life. It was everyone and everything else’s fault that my life seemed to be crumbling right before my eyes. My finger was pointing at the people and circumstances in my life at every blink of an eye, it seemed. I just couldn’t play with this “hand” I had been dealt any longer. I truly felt like a prisoner. Of what? Life. That is how I saw my life…as a prison. And it was all their fault. I would blame my marriage, my job, my finances, my “friends” – anything – as long as it meant I didn’t have to pick up a mirror, and see the real culprit.
On that day, I believe the Lord decided I had finally had enough. I like to think that He was tired of watching me stumble through life as though I were constantly in a fog so thick I couldn’t see right in front of my face. I believe God smiled down upon me on that day, and said “My daughter, it is time for you to see.” And then He did it.He handed me a mirror.And I saw myself. For the first time in many years, I saw the woman I truly had become. And I saw her through the lens of another woman’s untimely death. You see, that morning I found out that a woman I knew, an alcoholic, to be more specific, (I used to justify that I wasn’t an alcoholic because of the way this particular woman behaved, and of course, I was nothing like her!) had literally jumped in front of a train and killed herself, as a direct result of the disease of alcoholism.In that moment, that beautifully horrific moment, I saw my future. I saw where my path was heading, and I knew – I just knew that was going to be me someday if I didn’t do something. I looked at my 2 year old, Jesse, and I made a decision. A life-altering, mind-blowing, direction-changing, decision.I decided to get help.I was terrified, elated, angry, relieved, skeptical, and excited all at the same time. I had NO idea what the Lord had in store for me. It is such a truly amazing truth that the Lord reveals to us only what He knows we are able to handle at any given time. I truly believe that if I had even an inkling of His plan for me, at that time, I would have stuck my head in the ground like an ostrich! In no way, could I have ever prepared myself for what the Lord was about to do with my life. I thought I was stepping out onto the road to sobriety. It turns out that it was actually the road to freedom, and the journey was only beginning.I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: ”Lord, save me!” The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, He saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 116:1-9