12 Step Planet - Dale K.
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Stories about addiction and recovery, Clean and Sober life styles

"6 months ago on Feb. 7th I made a deal with myself to put the smack down and try this clean thing yet again. To live rather than die, (seeing as how that didn't work for some reason that was beyond me) and to really give it all I had, 110 percent and see if it really worked. I did this with no real faith, and more because I wanted not to live and nothing seemed to take me out. Was like, "fuck it! 
Really? Ok already!" I look at it now and that was true surrender, at truly the end of that path.
I surrendered my will and turned my life over to others that were willing to help me. My hands were tied, like a freakin infant totally depending on something outside of myself and beyond my power to save my life. That's humility. That changed my life and eventually my outlook upon it. I feel like I have grown spiritually as of late and it took far too long of being stagnant, self destructive, stuck in the same behavior I had for roughly 30 years and not inviting change into my world. Instead I was controlled by it. I was reacting to change that was happening, fighting it, scared of it, instead of simply responding appropriately. 
Today, I KNOW I was responsible for creating the life I hated. And now responsible for the new amazing life I am creating. Not that I am perfect, or exactly where I want to be, yet. But enlightenment can take a lifetime (or many lifetimes) but the sooner I learn and grow as I need to, the sooner I can eliminate suffering. This involves change, constant change which I welcome now. And since I now know I create my days, and hence my life, the better prepared (and determined) I am to be EXACTLY who I want to be. I know there will be bad times and pain, that doesn't mean I have to be miserable. Quite the opposite. I can now use challenges as opportunities to educate my soul and actually learn and retain knowledge. 
I welcome this process and intend to live a more purposed life and quit wasting my time. I want to be the best father, the best "baby's daddy" (lol), the best son, brother, cousin, nephew, friend and citizen of the world etc. that I can be, and to not accept (intentionally anyway) negativity which in itself is self destruction, into my life any longer. I'm glad to be clean, and happier than I have ever been. I not exactly who or what to thank for all this, but am humbled and thankful for it nonetheless. I know my NA family and process plays a huge part, as does my spiritual practice, and far too many people to possibly name. Anyway, so I'll stop now by simply saying a big huge general thank you to family and friends... And a specific thank you to my amazing daughter, for showing me how to love truly unconditionally! Katie babygirl, as I always say, I love you more than anything in this universe! K. Now I'm done... 
""Within You Without You"

We were talking about the space between us all
And the people who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth, then it's far too late, when they pass away
We were talking about the love we all could share
When we find it, to try our best to hold it there with our love
With our love, we could save the world, if they only knew

Try to realize it's all within yourself
No one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small
And life flows on within you and without you

We were talking about the love that's gone so cold
And the people who gain the world and lose their soul
They don't know, they can't see, are you one of them?

When you've seen beyond yourself then you may find
Peace of mind is waiting there
And the time will come when you see we're all one
And life flows on within you and without you"
- George Harrison


Dale K.