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Every addict had their own set of rules and pound for pound each addicts hell is equivalent of the next. Either Way.. it's a living hell. I am not going to spend too much time in the darkness of my addiction because to me its just another problem. I prefer the healing of my recovery to spend my time. I was raised in a house with a ex-special forces marine corp Dad. I remember my clothes stripped off me and beat with a strap from the neck to my ankles, week after week it seemed to me being only 4 when it all seemed to have started. At the same time I was being raped week after week by the man across the street.   Was this a normal life for a 5 yr old boy??   They both took their pain and there own gratifications out on me for years to come. At the age of 9 I found alcohol. I would hide in my closet just grateful for something to make the pain go away. I'm not going to lie, I hated God and I hated life and if there was a God he didn't love me. At 12 years old, I went to school one day and never came home. I was done with the slob across the street and I was tired of a dad who found love through the black and blue marks up and down my body. By 15 yrs old I was a hard core drug addict on the streets and was intravenously shooting dope. I got my first juvenile jacket at the age of 15. For those of you that don't know a "Jacket" is a file with the judicial system. I got my first adult jacket at the age of 17 and I was tried as an adult. I have been to one of the worst jails in the United States {L.A. County twin towers} more times than I can count. Jails, institutions, over 30 sober living homes, inpatient programs outpatient programs, 2 psych wards, the loss of 3 wife’s due to my addiction broken homes and family everywhere I went. You could look back as I walked and see destruction worse than a F-5 tornado and much more powerful of a destruction.   That was my life. Methamphetamine's is the love of my life. At the age of 42 I was arrested again, and looking at a long stint in prison. The judge saw favor in me and offered me one last chance at recovery. I took it. 1 1/2 years in an intensive outpatient program 5 days a week and an added anger management class I was ordered to take for 14 months. I was U/Aed 5 days a week and was pretty well nailed to a cross. 1 violation and i was going to prison for a long time. New born baby and another broken marriage to start the recovery process alone was a living hell. My wife was done. Out of that year and a half of out patient program i was the only one in the history of TTC to complete with a perfect attendance. Never missed one day. I got my high school diploma during that time and even started Substance abuse counseling school during that year and a half. By the end of my outpatient program they were letting me lead groups. I took the 12 steps my first month in recovery. And was sponsoring dozens of people in the drug court where i had to see the judge every two weeks for that year and a half. I will never forget the judge saying to me when i went to court one time " Paul, your sponsoring half the people in my court room". And I was ... balls to the wall. I quickly became a leader at my church and lead the recovery group there for a few years, I also was involved in countless ministries in the church through the years. At 2 years clean I was asked to go to court when i was already done with the courts. My P.O. told me the judge wanted to see me. I asked my P.O. why?? i am done with drug court. My P.O. said I don't know the judge said she wanted to see you. I was so nervous. What could I have done?? I was doing everything I could and thought I was doing so good. I went to court and the judge called me up first. This was our conversation. Mr. Aragon. Yes Mrs. Devoe. I had lunch with your P.O. Yes, Mrs. Devoe. Is everything I am hearing true?? What are you hearing Mrs. Devoe. You are now a substance Abuse counselor, still sponsoring half my courtroom, a high school diploma, leading A.A meetings, and leading a meeting at your church, and are involved in many ministries at your church?? Is this all true Mr. Aragon. Is this all true Mr. Aragon?? Yes Mrs. Devoe. At that point she stood up on the bench lifting her hands and ordering the whole courtroom to stand up, even the bailiff. At that point the whole courtroom gave me a standing ovation. I was in tears. I am in tears while writing this because of my gratitude. I said thank you Mrs. Devoe and she said your welcome. Then she said Paul I have one more gift for you. I said what is that Mrs. Devoe. She said your going to have a hard time getting a job with those 2 felonies on your back. I said yes, Mrs Devoe but I trust God and that he hasn't brought me this far for nothing. At that point she said: He is looking out for you today Paul. She said, Paul i have no doubt that you never use again and you are the most remarkable man I have ever met. I have never met anyone who has work so hard to stay clean and change who they were, like you have. At that point she stood up again {I am in tears right now} and ripped my Jacket in half. And said Mr. Aragon your a free man. Your felonies are gone and I have taken care of everything and you don't need to see your P.O. anymore. Free Man. In 2 days 5/15/13 I will be celebrating 7 years clean and sober, days and nights. clean and sober date 5/15/06. I still serve in my church and I have also started ministries and lead ministries in church and throughout the years. I now hold 2 Christian Certifications in Substance Abuse and 2 Nationwide certifications in Substance Abuse counseling. I remember years ago reading out of the Big Book of A.A. and it was a sentence the rocketed my contact with god. It is on page 87 and it said: "Be quick to see where religious people were right. Make use of what they have to offer". I think that line is telling us to live recovery outside the Big Book of A.A. as well. so we can continue to change and to grow. The 12 steps changed my life ... and God .... Well he saved my life. I offer my life as a living sacrifice to him and to addicts like me, and to the loved ones who suffer as well at the hand of us addicted. My life is one of recovery and one of continuous change. If you all would like to meet me please log on to Facebook and visit me at my page @ Breaking Chains: Chronicles of a Meth Addict. I look forward to meeting all of you as we trudge this road together to a happy destiny.  

Sincerely, Paul,
Breaking Chains: Chronicles of a Meth Addict   https://www.facebook.com/Methdoorways

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