Recovery in Narcotics Anonymous is about learning how to
live. Incorporating the spiritual principles taught as we apply the steps into
our lives on a daily basis brings us to a reality. That reality is that
learning how to live is an ongoing process. This process starts minute by
minute, hour by hour, to day by day. I remember when I came in to the program
in 87 feeling like our text says,” When at the end of the road we find that we
can no longer function as a human being, either with or without drugs, we all
face the same dilemma. What is there left to do? There seems to be this
alternative: either go on as best we can to the bitter ends-jails,
institutions, or death-or find a new way to live...." and the ongoing
compulsion and obsession I had been fighting. An addict I met at MRCNA in 87
saw this in me as I sat outside a workshop walked up and sat down next to me.
He said, " I know that look on your face, I've been there. slow our
thinking down and take it minute by minute, this will turn into hours, and you
will eventually see that Just for today you don't have to act on those
thoughts." He knew I wanted to leave and use just by my facial expression.
I was somewhat impressed, we sat outside that workshop and talked until everyone
came out. As he listened to my rationalization being a newcomer (lmao) as I
told him my room had a little frig with booze in it and I was thinking about a
drink since it was not cocaine. He pointed out that I have "one
disease" and that alcohol was a drug. That man became a very good friend
and I ended up calling him Dad for many years to come. May he rest in peace,
his name was Floyd B. from Detroit.
Some of you in this group from the metro Detroit
area remember him. Prior to recovery many of us could not see life without
drugs, let alone a future where we would be productive members of society,
trusting God, cleaning house (daily inventory) and helping others (without expectations).
As I have said many times life in recovery is like a rollercoaster at cedar
point. It goes up, down, and around. sometimes upside down and your job is to
grab hold of the cheeks of you ass, that’s if you have any left after the war
with using for as long as you did; and the is No Destination. It is an ongoing
Journey (process). Our recovery depends on our willingness to meet life on
life's terms. I have seen many addicts with many years clean time, get
resentments and or just become down right complacent in their recovery and
eventually pick up or just quit working the steps, quit coming and yes some
just die. This ongoing process also must include an attitude of gratitude.
anything you possess that your not grateful for you will lose. I am speaking
from experience. within the last seven months I have had both of my knees
replaces 6 months apart from each other to the date of operation and several
epidural's in my lower back. I am grateful for other experienced NA members I
trust. That have had experience with illness and medications in their recovery.
I have always taken a good look to their example and listened to their
experience to help me face my personal fears about the medication. I beat Hep C
after three times using interferon treatment 6months in 1997 one year in 98 and
one year which cleared the virus in 01 to 02. I had to remember that us addicts
are especially vulnerable to our old ways of thinking when we are in pain.
Prayer, meditation, and sharing has helped these past four weeks and kept my
mind off my discomfort, Praise Jesus ! In conclusion , Recovery is an ongoing
process. " Just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and
enjoying life without the use of drugs. Just for today I will have faith in
someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery. Just for
today I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.
Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
Just for today I will be unafraid, my thoughts will be on my new associations,
people who are not using and who have found a new way of life. So long as I
follow that way, I have nothing to fear." Thank for letting me share !
Anthony R. CD:6-2-90