12 Step Planet - Amelia D.
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   TWO YEARS!!!!!
And Two Twins That where Born SOBER!!! Herion/ Cocain" IV For Ten Years And then when I lost all my Vains Even My Neck one I Started smoking the "H" And began smoking Crack Cocaine Heavily.I Was Homeless and prostituting to get my dope money everyday to keep me well & To pay my motel bill for the night.I caught Indocarditest in my right articular Heart valve from feces seeping thru the balloon when they smuggled in the dope from Mexico,I almost died I was in the hospital for 3months I got out went back that night,I got mersa from the many abscesses that I would pop open me self,I coaght HEP-C,And Paleracie in my lungs. I got pregnant from a Mexican Crack dealer after onetime trying to get free stuff,I started getting VERY ill so I went by ambulance to the hospital after clasping after a hit of crack.They told me that I was pregnant then if that wasn't enuf of a shocker they did a ultra sound and saw "3" Yes I SaiD" 3" heart beats!!! I had been on the run from probation for a year,So the next day went and grab a couple things from my motel when they released me and then I was walking in the very cold street and had no bus money so I decided that I was going to walk the 20 miles or so to my moms,A couple men had circled me looking for a trick and before I would've jumped and got a ride but this time I kept my eyes strait and kept walking it was like this weird Feeling in my whole body deep inside and all the sudden I realized what it was I was "FEELING" I Had forgotten what it felt like To FEEL!! And It Hurt!! It was like the FEELINGS had been trapped for so long they Came out in rage So intense.I had been Numb and my sprit had been gone for so long because you see Herion shuts down everything but heart and lungs you have 60 Feet of intestine and it paralyzes it. And got home and thru rocks at the window the window and my little brother came and open the door we didn't say anything we didn't have to he gave me a huge grab me a glass of water all along not saying anything but it was such comfortable silence,My mom came outta her bedroom and looked up at me didn't say nothing and walked in the bathroom she came back out started to walk back to her room & without looking up simply said theirs your favorite cereal in the cabinet.I walked in my room and it was beautiful and clean and mom had kept it perfect.In top of the bed by my pillow was all these pretty envelopes with my name on them"They where beautiful sparkly cards with fairys on them because i love fairys,and inside the cards where letters from my mom saying how much she loved me.She had bought all these new adorable stuffed animals because I love them I saved mine from when I was a kid.The next day nobody ever Minchond me bing gone it was nothing happened and everyone just smiled and mom cooked my favorite meal and the next. Day took me to my old favorite thrift store. That night I told her I was pregnant and she fainted then walked away,The next morning I got her to drive to AP&P asked if she would walk in with me gave her a huge kiss and hug and told her its the will power and will to survive that I inherited from her.I walked in strait up to the counter and told them who I was how long I was on the run and that I need to be locked up because I I'm weak when it to my disease they handcuffed me & I waved at my mother and they took me back.I was locked for 6 months my mom ordered me tons of food lotions and anything to make a little more comfortable.I was handcuffed and transported to the hospital ever week for test to make sure me and the baby's where healthy,I was EXTREMELY High Risk because my body literally had nothing to give I myself was only living in starvation mode" And now any kind of nutrients my body absorbed went to the baby's,I was literally a hundred pounds I was extremely skinny with this Enormous belly that they had to wrap and tape up because it was starting to fall down wards like it was going to stretch off.The state advocated for me and when I went to court the judge said she didn't no why but she wanted to give me one chance but if I screwed up she would slap a homicide/Manslaughter charge and send me away for awhile.A women from the state got me in to a inpatient treatment center just for mothers or expecting mothers.I walked in they showed me my bed and then gave me my bed sheets and said we are going to say this once this is a non locked down facility you don't got to jump out the window or scale the wall just walk out the door.Then the women walked off,I sat down in the unmade bed and this strange tiredness came to me my mind was tired and my body and every little thing I through my hands up and I realize my own stubbornness was what was keeping me sick and what did I have to loose if I surrendered and opened my ears and really listened and it did work I'd have a life I hadn't known for years"But if it didn't I would be just the same and I wouldn't have to ever wonder if these F#%^* Places worked.And I finally realized what all those old timers where always preaching and I used to get so mad when they would talk about that just got tired of being sick and tired and you'll no when your ready but in till then nobody can make me stop But me.And got off the bed fell to the floor with tired knees and put my hands together for the first time in a very long while and I am yours heavenly I surrender.i was the only one that never was never involved with child services,Or that ever was forced to sighed her baby's away to adoption.I was a head teem leader and I got 37 gold star certificates!!! I did a year of in patient and a year of out going six days a week at 7:00am on the bus with Two Baby's in the snow across town.I had treatment last year so my HEP-C Completely gone for ever!!
I work and took my GED so i was able get a grant and go to school because I dropped out in 8th grade. All my teeth are fixed and whitened,And my body is beautiful all the scares are gone except when I get sick I have no veins so they go under my knee to drawl blood.I am in a women's recovery group that does speeches at schools and collages across Utah,And I run the CA meeting on Thursdays.My Twins are So healthy and happy!! I am so Proud of my self.i want to tell everyone out there if I can do it all of you can if feel weak test it to see if really or if its the addiction "Devil" talking!!!
Stop blaming your childhood or anything else that happened yesterday!! At this minute be a do'r not a trier as my little brother says:)3>  Amelia D.